You Might Be A Misogynist If...

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This one is dedicated to the creeps.

By all means, make a joke and downplay your completely
terrifying aggression toward women, and the way you act.

Are you creepy? Are you a jerk? How's your dating life? Do women seem to keep you at a cool distance? Do you understand courtship? Do you automatically assume that any woman who speaks to you, and has an interesting conversation with you for more than five minutes would perhaps like to engage in a little fondling and potentially some intercourse? Would you like to be in a relationship, but honestly get no action, let alone even dates? Do you often think to yourself women are such uptight fucking bitches?

Let me tell you why: You're a fucking creep misogynist. Women are intuitive by nature. Most of us can positively identify a creeper in less than three seconds of eye contact. The world has been against us for a long time, and whether you like it or not we know how to spot threats and work against them. As a man, the most you've had to learn to adapt to society was not to cry past the age of seven. (as a misogynist, you've probably learned to suppress and not verbalize your hatred for women...)

The truth is women ought to be revered for our life giving abilities, our inner knowledge and strength, and yes, especially our emotional range. Instead, society objectifies women, subjects us to double standards, and conditions us to second guess our instincts in order to fulfill an unreasonable and impossible mold.

The psychology of sexuality is fucked. Girls are literally groomed from the very beginning. As they grow into women they're conditioned to behave acceptably, appear better than presentable, and ultimately to "catch" and please a man. For his part Man salivates at Woman. He idolizes the purity of the virgin, insults the freedom of the wench (but still wants to fuck her), and often emotionally scars his lover or wife with the push-pull of courtship and mating. And please, let's not forget the underlying sentiment that whenever anything goes wrong - romantically, or sexually - the woman is at fault. The whole thing is such a disaster it gives me anxiety whenever I suspect I could actually be falling for someone, and not just getting my rocks off.

I understand that we all need each other. Every type of human, every variation of human, is a necessary component to the whole. We're all required pieces to the grand puzzle. Without enduring conflict how can we learn peace? How can we achieve real happiness with out the experience of learning to battle suffering? Sometimes terrible things happen. But what do we gain from running from them, denying them? Why not admit what's gone on and go from there?

I've been outspoken since I could remember.

It was bad enough I was the youngest. It was bad enough I was pale as butter as a small child (thank god my color came in after eight). Since I could talk I've noticed people either immediately loved me, or were constantly antagonizing me for something.

Men were the worst. They were either taunting me till I cried (as a toddler) or talking to me like I was a retard (as a teenager). My grandfather was the most sexist man I'd ever encountered. It's taken me just around sixteen years to piece together the entirety of his personality and realize that I've been fighting against similar manifestations of it every day.

He mercilessly beat the shit out my grandmother, my mother and his children for years. I can still remember the whipping he laid on my brother one night in the late 80s because he was making bubbles in his hot chocolate through a straw. I remember the way he'd expect to literally be served dinner whenever he came to visit, and his aggressive manner of seeking hugs and affection.

I remember the summer morning in 1996 when he called to see if I wanted to go to his block party. I replied I wasn't sure if I'd made other plans with my aunt. He screamed at me through the telephone that I was no longer his grand daughter and I should consider him dead.

I hung up the phone and went back to sleep. 

This caused an uproar in my family. My aunt was furious at him. My mother was hurt. I couldn't give less of a fuck. I was 12. I was on summer vacation, and my grumpy grandfather flipped out on me for no reason. Shrug. He was supposed to be dead to me now, so that's how I let him stay.

I recall how devastated my mother had been about it all weekend. I assume she'd had words with him over it, and his response had brought back a lot of memories she didn't want to deal with.

What I've learned from observing him, and speaking with family members is that the man has some serious issues. We all have issues; the harder and longer we try to avoid and hide from them the stronger they will emerge in our lives, the harder they will hit. Life is a delicate dance, and we're all trying as hard as we can. But are you really trying if you're denying?

I respect that it's hard to be lonely and horny. Everyone likes to screw around. I understand this very well. But sexual intercourse must always be consensual.

Every time I'm about to get smoochies I always, without fail, take a moment of pause before the first kiss. This isn't romantic timing on my part. It's because I'm an aggressive woman. I'm actually kind of creepy in my own right. But I always take that split second of pause to read Mr. Lover's eyes, facial expression and body language. It's an attempt to garner how receptive he's gonna be to my sex.

Men, it is very important that you are also clear on a woman's willingness to sexually engage you. With someone like me you can usually tell in the moment I'm taking the pause - or probably half an hour before that moment. With other women you may need verbal confirmation. Usually a woman interested in you will probably touch you lightly somewhere, like on your arm, or shoulder.

Many times sexual intercourse begins with a kiss on the lips. If you haven't even got that much then what the hell are you doing? (THE FACT THAT I'M EVEN EXPLAINING THIS - THAT I EVEN HAVE TO - IS UNREAL!)

I was recently made aware of a young man who'd made a highly disturbing and inappropriate pass on a young woman I very much respect. It is out of respect for her that I'm not detailing the matter. It's because of my outspoken nature, and Gloria Allred hero-complex that I confronted the perpetrator on behalf of the woman. (I fear no one, bitches. Get that in your head and let it stick like a stiff dick)

Anyway, the perpetrator responded to me with this:

Ruth- I do NOT appreciate your threatening manner, nor your insults and insinuations. What transpired was unplanned and was a one time occurrence which I deeply regret. I may have overstepped a line but I realized my mistake and stopped right then- I did not block her departure- I was attempting to understand what happened. I do not need to rationalize to you, a third person, or anyone else but her. I respect her as a person and as a friend who I may have lost forever. And [...] I am still human. Perhaps you know infallible people who hasn't made one poor judgment their whole life?. As I said- I do not feel the need to discuss this with you aside from her [...]  This has nothing to do with you.Any demands or conditions must come from her directly.

I can't tell what the most alarming part of his reply is:

• "I may have overstepped" When you say "may" you mean the same may as in maybe? The same may that's synonymous with possibly? Like the question of you overstepping is open for debate?
• "I was attempting to understand what happened." You mean you were confused by what you did? Or you were confused that a woman you didn't even have the finesse to kiss wasn't interested in sexual relations with you?
• "a friend who I may have lost forever." WHAT IS THIS MAY SHIT?
• "Perhaps you know an infallible person..." No one is infallible. No one knows this person. Infallible has nothing to do with deception, predatory behavior, and unsolicited sexual advances.
• "Any demands..must come from her." This is w-t-f interesting for two reasons: like 1) you think I would have addressed you if she wanted any contact with you? Are you in such deep denial of your offense that you can't grasp that SHE DOESN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE/SAFE AROUND YOU 2) by stating that demands 'must come from her' you're being demanding. Watch the language and tone you use when writing a writer.

I overtly hit on the guys I know in Bushwick every single week. My flirting technique is to be half-joking about everything. This spares me a lot of ego-bruising in case of potential rejection. But I don't actually attempt to trick them into doing things with me...WHAT THE HELL BRO? And what is this confusion as to YOU MAY HAVE. YOU MAY HAVE WHAT?

Are you saying she's lying? Are you saying you don't remember if you did this, but it sounds like something you might do, so you're not really sure, so YOU MAY HAVE?

We need more women who, like Gloria Allred, know when there's an imbalance,
and are willing to stand up for themselves and others. She defends men too.

You know what I don't appreciate? Men who don't know how to interact with women, who don't understand that the reason they don't get women is because of the mentality their behavior reveals. I don't appreciate men who think they can prey and power trip on women and get away with it.

It's very possible that I may be a misandryst. I objectify the shit out of men. I've physically assaulted men. I think most men are idiots until they astonish me with their intelligence, compassion, and an exemplary comprehension of equality - and this is rare.

We could nit pick at the differences between men and women and how we relate all day.

But assault is assault. And a misguided aggressive attempt at overt sexual intercourse... without any inclination or solicitation from the opposite party... I mean what can I call this? Is sexual assault too strong? Is this really just a mistake you may have made because you are not infallible?

I can't even give credence to such excuses by considering their possibility. What reality do we live in where a man employs trickery, attempts intercourse, and then attempts to bar exit from the premises; where he is angered at being addressed for his behavior, expects his victim to engage him in any capacity, and none of this equates with sexual assault or misogyny?

Can anyone help me to understand this?

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