S&M: Rihanna & Chris Brown Solved!

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Let these two clowns have their fun.

I'll pass on the fury of concern over these two muskrats. It just is what it is: Her box must be Christmas, his dick must be Magic. Maybe they are soul mates. Maybe the passion that burns between them (right...) is something more powerful than the rest of us working class mere mortals will ever truly comprehend or experience in our life times. Good for them. I'll be okay. Or, maybe, some bitches get their nuts from a punch.

Yesterday I was playing Rihanna's single Talk That Talk (ft Jay-Z) on repeat. I'm love-hate with her. I really liked her last two records. I really don't care for this new one. But the track opens with Jay and it's got that continuous drum thing going on. And I'm a sucker for drums so I bumped it all day. The lyrics are pretty basic: she wants him to talk dirty to her. She wants him to tell her how he wants it and she'll get it right on the first try etc, etc. By the time I went to bed last night it dawned on me that what happened three years ago was probably a really big misunderstanding. The two love birds had probably been getting freaky in the Lamb and Chris went in extra tough because Rihanna loves that Rude Boy shit, and he missed her safe-word. And by the time it was over her whole face was pummeled and somebody called the cops. I'm super-cereal when I tell you I think that's what really went down.


Whatever it is Chris Brown does to Rihanna's heart, mind, vagina, or forehead, she absolutely loves it. Last week hella fuel got added to the fire of rumors that RiRi & CB were reuniting. It was reported he went to her birthday party and as a result other attendees had to sign confidentiality agreements. It was reported he would appear on her Birthday Cake Remix. Then, Billboard wrote  them both open letters. For months prior bloggers like Miss Info, Necole Bitchie, and others had been dishing that something was up between the two. Brown's mom would tweet something, Ri would tweet something sweet back. Even his current girlfriend added to the speculation by making a video with a friend of hers seemingly ridiculing the princess of the Roc for being single. I mean, whatever. These bitches are in entertainment. They're entertaining us... I think.

A writer I follow on twitter, JasFly made a bunch of valid points last week. She told Billboard that if Rihanna was their idea of a role model that they were probably doing something wrong. She noted than in the past three years Rihanna has gone harder with the tattoos, with her aggressive display of sexuality, and with her love of the kush. She pointed out that the singer has essentially said "fuck your role model status." The woman is about her paper and her cooter. Let her live.

But you know, of course we must speculate. Why would anyone take back a guy who beat the shit out of them? I couldn't tell you. Some bitches love abuse. I would kill the man who ever lay a hand on my precious face. And he'd die the very same night, if not within the hour. But that's just me. And I've got pride, and I'm single. And there are enough opinions to go around on why what's what. So, if raggady blond weave wants to get back with that loud mouth and his gigantic teeth THEN SHE SHOULD DO IT. Forgiveness has to count for something right? Love and understanding and Penance has to mean something in this world right? I don't know if I could forgive someone for beating me up. But love (and good dick) will make a broad do crazy things. Wouldn't it be something though, if my theory is correct? They were just having rough sex and he took it too far and everyone involved is too embarrassed to just admit that much? I'm telling you, it's one thing to sing and rap and talk and write about all your raunchy sexual activity, but how many of us bad-ass bed-mates are actually about to publicly go into all of the details? Especially when it goes wrong and our foreheads hit the dash? #JustSaying.