Here's a list of 10 musicians I go swoon crazy for, not just because they are (or were...) really adorbs, but because their vibes, voice, and music spins my two most important innards: emotions, and brain parts. I'm attracted to lots of different things: chinstraps, funny teeth, accents, alternative sounds, imaginative language, dark hair, long hair, piercing eyes, haunting voices, whiny voices, but mostly I go under for intelligence and talent. If I could mix up the following 10 musicians into one 6ft 3 chinstrapped passionate dreamer/philosopher, guitarist, rapper I'd be in heaven.
10. Ad Rock, Beastie Boys - He's so ridiculous looking and sounding, but his energy's so wild. And he says the greatest things "Well I'm that kid in the corner, all fucked up and I wanna so I'm gonna take a piece of the pie, why not? I'm not quittin. Think I'm gonna change up my style just to fit in..?" (Sure Shot, Ill Communication).
9. Jason Mraz - Look at the size of those flipping eyes. Those dimples. He's adorable, and silly, and his music is full of sweet, gentle, positive philosophy. Sometimes a bit melancholy and romantic, but always sweet as a strawberry. And when he takes off the cap and the hoody, my-oh-my...BONER
8. George Harrison - The handsome, quiet Beatle who composed "You Like Me Too Much," "Here Comes The Sun," "Something," and brought the world "My Sweet Lord" Now, that's an attractive spirit. Tell me not. Considering our modern human culture has had a history of dismissing the more genuine, positive, and uplifting aspects of spirituality, this song is a bold and beautiful undertaking by someone unafraid to use their medium to share their heart. Let that simmer a moment.
Commendable and BONERIFIC.
7. Chris Martin - Dude looks nothing like he looked in the Yellow video, which is sort of a good thing. He kind of creeped me out in that video. But the song was beautiful and the whole middle of the night transitioning to sunrise on the beach motif totally did it for me. So even though he was skinny and pasty as all hell, he won me over in junior year, straight away. Once I got a good look at him (hand-combed blond curls, gapped-teeth) and heard him speak (oh English sinus!) it was over. And have you seen him dance? It's like a tick, and I love it. Favorite song ever: God Put A Smile Upon Your Face. Also, there's his activism. Like George Harrison, Martin uses his medium admirably to express his beliefs (ie: Free Trade).
Knowledge Boner Hardcore.
6. Common - Where to start? That's one thick-ass chinstrap. Pause. Common's voice is the same as his onscreen presence - commanding and powerful. His voice is smooth, yet edgy and raspy. It flows into my brain easily because he's a natural poet, and I've got receptors for it. When I listen to one of his songs, I don't miss a word. I catch every single line, every single time. And whenever I see him in movies I'm always legitimately afraid of his character (when he's a bad guy with a gun) but turned on at the same time. I love that his smile is so joyous and warm. It's like he symbolizes the beauty of living in truth. His music is a reminder that "aint nothing funny" about corruption, but everything is beautiful about love.
tats & facial hair. they win
5. Joel & Benji Madden (twins, twofer-boner)- I will not be told that Good Charlotte is not a good band. I wouldn't call them a great band, because I think they have yet to bring some real musical evolution to the table. But given the current musical landscape of which they've made themselves a part (LA scene pop-rock) they're doing their thing and their doing it well. What especially bones me is the way Joel (and brother Benji) have put so much of their history, pain, and passions into recordings like "Little Things" "Predictable," and "All Black." I also love the uplifting message of "Waldorf Worldwide" and "I Just Wanna Live." They went from being poor to being rockstars, they've dealt with being abandoned by their father to fulfilling dreams, finding love, and maintaining family, and brought their fans along for the entire thing. I heart that they maintain such an open and engaging dialog with fans, reminding us to stay positive and keep dreaming and never give up. Mad sweet, and sweetness is major hotness in my book.
4. Kid Cudi - CHINSTRAPBONER! Kid Cudi is different, and I like different. Kid Cudi is an Aquarius, as am I, as are most of the guys I've had disruptive and implosion relationships with. Vanity, maybe, but the reflection is definitely my type. The rawness of his records, their lack of pop-culture polish, the flatness in his voice, the bare confession of his lyrics are all doing it for me. He's one of my own, one of my type, and definitely settled quite comfortably in outer space. Cut-from-the-same-cloth-boner at maximum girth.
3. Eddie Vedder - The absolute hottest thing about Eddie Vedder is that when he sings he looks certifiable. I remember being terrified of him every time I saw the video for Jeremy, but then again I was like 9, and I've always been easily emotionally disrupted by sad songs, and tales of depression. In high school I fell rough and tough for him after really listening to "Black", and in adult life the boner has only grown every single time I watch the video for Even Flow. There's something really hot about the reckless abandon of a grown man, scaling stage production like a monkey-child, while singing about the passage of thoughts and time through the mind of a homeless person. Eddie Vedder is like rampant life-force in a state of maximum distress wherein its ability to fuel itself is endless. He is sex to my ears, eyes, and heart.
2. Chris Cornell - And here we have a man built of beauty, formed like a god, with eyes that kill me not softly, and a voice that runs through my body by way of invisible music receptors inside every cell. A little much, but I don't know. There's something so Medieval/Renaissance/Three Musketeers about him. I'm sure the facial hair is helping that, but all of his features look like he lived back then, like he was Chris Cornell in the 1400s and he came back to the 1900s to be beautiful and musical again, just for Rock & Roll, and Rock & Roll girly-girls like me. I love that he was on "Hunger Strike" with Vedder because if it's anything that grows my talent boner it's two or more talented, thoughtful, beautiful artists combining forces to express any facet of the human struggle. Another reason I bone for him are the sounds of longing and endless adoration he brought to "Like A Stone" with Audioslave. As an obsessive-compulsive hopeless romantic, songs like that increase my dreamer/idealist boner in massive fashion. Also, when he says "In your house I long to be," he's talking about his lover's vagina right? Swoon. (While we're on topic, Morello's solo on Like A Stone might be my favorite guitar solo in the history of anything. I'm no expert, but that particular breakdown is the biggest total music boner-upper I've ever heard. Ever.)
1. Tom Petty - Don't judge me. I spent a good two months playing his greatest hits on repeat while I wrapped up Chasing A Boy Up A Hill. I love how his voice can be fierce and edgy, or low and loopy, and how he controls it to give off the feeling behind the lyrics. I bone hard for Tom Petty ca. 1978 because he was skinny as a toothpick (I have a very strange and specific boner for thin men with subtly delivered personality). I bone for his teeth (also have a thing for funny teeth; big, crooked, chipped, gapped) and that lazy eye. In the video for "I Need To Know" he's practically pleading for the truth, but remaining really calm about, and jamming out only on account of the music. I infer so much from the lyrics and his face and the performance, yet he's not really actively giving much to be inferred at all. Subtlety is a boner for me, because I haven't yet achieved the art of it. I've never once come close to being subtle. Other Petty titles that bone me: "Refugee," "The Waiting," "Don't Do Me Like That," "Stop Dragging My Heart Around".
2. Chris Cornell - And here we have a man built of beauty, formed like a god, with eyes that kill me not softly, and a voice that runs through my body by way of invisible music receptors inside every cell. A little much, but I don't know. There's something so Medieval/Renaissance/Three Musketeers about him. I'm sure the facial hair is helping that, but all of his features look like he lived back then, like he was Chris Cornell in the 1400s and he came back to the 1900s to be beautiful and musical again, just for Rock & Roll, and Rock & Roll girly-girls like me. I love that he was on "Hunger Strike" with Vedder because if it's anything that grows my talent boner it's two or more talented, thoughtful, beautiful artists combining forces to express any facet of the human struggle. Another reason I bone for him are the sounds of longing and endless adoration he brought to "Like A Stone" with Audioslave. As an obsessive-compulsive hopeless romantic, songs like that increase my dreamer/idealist boner in massive fashion. Also, when he says "In your house I long to be," he's talking about his lover's vagina right? Swoon. (While we're on topic, Morello's solo on Like A Stone might be my favorite guitar solo in the history of anything. I'm no expert, but that particular breakdown is the biggest total music boner-upper I've ever heard. Ever.)
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